InsaneJournal

Prompt #1
Character: Dick Casablancas
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Word Count: 434
Note: Dick's from post s2 of Veronica Mars, hence the emo.



Wow, that question would have been so much easier to answer a few months ago. What would have I said a few months ago? I would have said I was just...Dick. A fun-loving guy who wanted nothing more than to crack open a beer and sit on the beach for a couple of hours. No real troubles, no real worries. Sure, most would say I was too stupid to have a real thought or too much of a jackass for complex emotions. I never minded anyone saying that, it was probably true. I liked not caring what other people thought. I liked not having to think before I acted. Life's too short to think about consequences.

How was I able to live such a lifestyle? Easy, when you have some constant variables. A dad rich enough to support your habits. A mom who could give a crap what you did. A little brother who was always there to clean up your messes.

Turns out when you take away one of those variables the other two lose their shiny appeal. And all it took was a bus crash and a swan dive off the Neptune Grand. Goodbye little brother, hello complexity.

Now the lifestyle hasn't changed much. Still drinking, still doing the jackass things I did in high school. But now I'm second guessing myself all the time. When people look at me I can't help but wonder if they're just seeing me or are they looking at the brother of the guy who blew up a school bus filled with kids? Are they blaming me for what Cassidy did? Probably. They wouldn't be wrong to do so. Older brothers are supposed to protect their little brothers, not let them be abused by a sicko in a baseball uniform. They're supposed to ask them why they don't want to go to Little League practice anymore, not tease them mercilessly for being a pussy. Some brother I was.

You could say I'm getting payback from Cassidy now, even though he's dead. I can't stop thinking about the kid. After everything I do, every beer I drink, every stupid thing I say, I can't help but think "What would Cassidy's reaction to this be?" Would he be happy for me? Would he give me that look that says "Dick, you're such a goddamn idiot." I try to make him happy, I really do. I just never knew him well enough to know how to do it.

So who am I now?

Just a guy trying to live for two, I guess.